Sex During Pregnancy

Nothing raises as many eyebrows as the subject of sex during pregnancy. Despite the old saying that medical and religious miracles aside, every pregnancy started with a sex act.

One thing that I would note is that sex and sexuality are very different, and that even if you are not having sexual intercourse, your sexuality can still be expressed.

Your sexual practices during pregnancy will depend on several factors:

• Your previous beliefs about sex
• Your Partner's previous beliefs
• Physical aspects of your pregnancy
• Emotional aspects of your pregnancy

There are many reasons why sex during pregnancy can be more enjoyable, even if your are doing it less. There is an increase in vaginal lubrication, engorgement of the genital area helps some people become orgasmic for the first time or multi-orgasmic, the lack of birth control, or if you have been trying for awhile, a return to sex as pleasure as opposed to procreational, and other reasons.

On the other hand there are reasons why sex might not be as pleasurable: fear of hurting the baby, nausea, fatigue, awkwardness, etc.

Although these can be valid reasons, doing research and talking to your partner and practitioner can often help you clarify what is really inappropriate during pregnancy, particularly for you.

Change is rampant during pregnancy both in your body and your beliefs. While women may feel large and uncomfortable, men generally find the pregnant body very erotic and desirable. Talk about your differences and attitudes towards your body and sexuality.

Make sure that you discuss the feelings that you have about sex and sexuality. These discussions can lead to a more fulfilling sex life. If either of you do not feel like having sex, this can be particularly important. Explain to your partner what is going on and what they can do to help you be sexual. For example: more cuddling, relaxing baths, romantic dinners, massages, mutual masturbation, whatever you and your partner agree upon is exactly what you need.

The hormonal fluctuations of pregnancy also play a part in your reactions to making love, as do the trimesters. Many women are too fatigued and nauseated to be very interested during the first trimester, while the second trimester brings a new sense of delight as her abdomen grows, and again later in the third trimester the desire may wane as well.

"Hmmm...sex during pregnancy...during the first trimester, honestly, I think the sex was more. intimate...the sensations seemed heightened, despite the initial ‘Ohmigosh, are we going to hurt the baby?' Now in the second trimester, it's becoming a little more awkward, especially now that I'm showing. We've had to ...ummm...well...adjust a little bit, position-wise...but the intimacy hasn't changed," says Dee.

Okay, so we know that there are wide variances in who is doing it and when, the big question (No pun intended.) is how?

Creativity should be your keyword during pregnancy. Or more bluntly put, whatever works! There are many positions that are more comfortable as you expand. These include:

• Woman on top
• Spooning (Man behind woman, rear entry)
• Hands and Knees
• Side lying, knee pulled up

What are men saying about sex during pregnancy? Most are pleasantly surprised.

Rich says "I haven't noticed a real change in the sex...it was always awesome! The only real difference now is in the position! We've had to accommodate for a growing belly, and as a result we've had to explore a little..but it's been fun exploring."

When not to have sex and/or orgasms during pregnancy:

• Your practitioner has advised against it
• You have a history of premature birth or labor
• Placenta previa (Where part of the placenta is covering the cervix)
• Your water has broken
• Your are currently experiencing bleeding
• You or your partner has an active sexually transmitted disease

"Intercourse was banned after the positive pregnancy test, orgasm was banned at week 15, and ever since week 15 I have been very horny and unable to do anything about it until after the baby is born, which is making me nervous," explains Alison. "The lack of sex really created a distance between me and my husband, and I am afraid we won't get the magic back when there's a newborn baby in the house."

Postpartum sex is a whole other article. However, I will leave you with one thought:

"To me sex was a lot less enjoyable while we were pregnant," remarks Tami. "But, the first time after the babies were born were always awesome! "

GOOD NEWS: 

In particular, sex can be used to encourage an overdue baby. The female orgasm involves contractions of the uterus which, if everything is ready to start anyway, can trigger off labor.

Some women are thought to be especially sensitive to prostaglandin's in the semen. Prostaglandin's cause the uterus to contract and semen has a higher proportion of them than any other body substance.

Experts recommend that a position is chosen which will ensure that semen is deposited right up against the cervix (one suggestion is with the woman lying on her back with her legs raised against the man's hips, though it should be done gently.)

Breast stimulation can also produce a strongly contracting uterus, which may be a good thing - preparing the way for labor. Nipple stimulation can reactivate a labor that has stopped.

Strangely, doctors say that sometimes breast stimulation doesn't work. Perhaps it depends on how the nipple stimulation is done: breast pumps may be less effective than having a loved one slide his tongue over the nipples.

This information comes from "The New Pregnancy and Childbirth", by Sheila Kitzinger, 1989. Who said that pregnancy had to be boring???

Sexuality changes in each trimester:

First Trimester

Emotional Changes:

• You and your partner may find your desire for sex increased because for once you do not have to think about birth control.
• You may find that you are conflicted about sex as your mental images of yourself changes to a more motherly view.
• Some women find themselves preoccupied by the thought of sex, including dreams and strange fantasies.

Physical Changes

• Your breasts may be sensitive, causing your either increased pleasure or pain. The first trimester is when your breast undergo the fastest changes.
• Nausea and fatigue may diminish your sexual appetite.
• Threatened miscarriage may limit the amount of intercourse or orgasms you may have.
• Orgasms may seem to linger, causing a feeling of tension in your vagina and clitoris.

Second Trimester

Emotional Changes:

• Many women feel sexy with their new figures, particularly if they are feeling less sickly than in the first trimester.
• Dads may be fearful of hurting the baby, or of the baby "knowing" what is going on, particularly once the baby has started moving and he can feel the movements.
• Some dads are jealous of the baby's closeness with the mother.

Physical Changes

• The vagina is more lubricated and the clitoris and vagina are more engorged. Many women will become orgasmic or multi-orgasmic for the first time during pregnancy because of this added engorgement.

Third Trimester

Emotional Changes:

• Mom may be concerned that her body is repulsive to her partner, or that her figure may never return.
• To the contrary, most men are actually aroused by their wife's blossoming figure. Communication is essential for a healthy sex life, at all points of life.
• Mother is becoming more fatigued making timing difficult.
• Positioning. Well, all I can say is be creative! Everyone has a different belly, so try different positions until you find one that works for you both. Remember mom shouldn't lay on her back, she needs to be at least tilted to one side. Woman on top positions are great for the end of pregnancy as are spooning or rear entry.

Physical Changes

• Uterus will occasionally have spasms lasting upwards of one minute during orgasms, this is different from contractions.
• Contractions may occur near your due date after sex for about half an hour.
• Because of all the engorgement in the vagina and clitoris, orgasm may not relieve the sexual tension you feel.
• If your baby's head is deep in the pelvis you may have pain or spotting during or after sex, this is normal. Try using shallow penetration (rear entry position offer this benefit).
• Sex will not start labor if your cervix is not ripe, so the average woman does not have to worry about preterm labor.

Remember this special time in your lives, and enjoy yourselves fully during pregnancy. There are very few things a pregnant woman can't do sexually. If you are having problems your practitioner may advise you to limit intercourse or orgasm, but the one thing that should never be done is to blow air into the vagina, it may cause a placental air embolism.

When Not to Have Sex:

If you had a miscarriage during a previous pregnancy seek medical advice about sex - particularly during the early months while the pregnancy is becoming established. Your doctor or an antenatal clinic can help you.

If your waters break, or if you have a show (a blood-stained vaginal discharge) do not have sex until you have had medical advice.

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